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Young and divorced: Making a healthy split

You loved your spouse when you got married, and you still have a healthy amount of respect for him or her. You both wanted the same things when you were married at a young age, and now, coming up on your 30th birthday, you've realized that you no longer have anything in common. You've grown apart and want different things.

It's not unusual for people to grow, change and divorce when they get married when they are still young. Despite that, no one goes into a marriage thinking that it will fall apart. In your case, you've been together for years, and there's much to do to resolve the issues in your divorce. Fortunately, you can do so in a healthy, respectful manner.

How do you keep a divorce as calm and healthy as possible?

For a start, it does help to have two people in a relationship who respect one another, even if they don't agree on many things. It's normal for either party to suffer from hurt feelings or other emotions, but when they're negotiating or making arrangements for the marriage to come to an end, they need to be able to work together and resolve their issues. If you can be kind and compassionate to yourself and understanding of your spouse, you can help yourself better manage the stress and difficulties of a divorce.

It's a bad idea to think about your divorce as if it's going to turn into a war. In fact, many people have easy divorces that result in little stress or frustration on either end. Many are able to negotiate and work together. Yes, there are times when you may disagree, but if you can avoid name-calling, yelling or dragging out a dispute, you both can negotiate and resolve the matters in a timely manner.

If you have issues you truly cannot surmount, it's best to consult with a mediator. Mediators are neutral third parties who can listen to what both sides have to say. Then, they will give you legal information and guide you while you make the decision that is best for your situation. The mediator helps prevent fights and escalating aggression to allow both spouses to focus on negotiating and resolving the issues between them.

Divorces aren't always the battles that the media makes them out to be, and it's possible to go through a healthy divorce followed by a period of healing. Focusing on being compassionate, being able to negotiate and resolving issues quickly can help you get through this difficult time with as few problems as possible.

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